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"Masculine" gay men are looked down upon more the "fem" gay men?
I feel like "fem" gay men are accepted in the media
(Glee, Million Dollar Listings..etc)
and society in general MORE than "masculine" gay men.
Because I don't have personality characterics, mannerisms and style typlically associated with "effeminate" gay men, I am classified as "butch", i.e. masculine. Now, when it comes to the DL dating/hook-up scene, butch gay men are preferred by far. But, when it comes to interacting with heterosexual men and women, and being publicly open about our sexuality, we get the most heat.
I know this may sound like a generalization, but from my experience, straght men cannot stand being in the presence of an openly gay masculine man, and heterosexual women treat us like we have some kind of ******* disease. When I strike up random conversations with straight men and women in bars or in public places and let my sexuality be known, I immeadiately get a visceral, disgusted and/or shocked reaction like ,"What?...YOU'RE gay...Why? Thats not right". These SAME straight men and women dont respond that way to fem men!!!!! Its almost as if we've gotten to a place where effeminate men are EXPECTED to be gay, so its no longer as unacceptable and suprising as it used to be.
Im 23 and am just starting to come out of the closet, but the way I am treated is making me want to stay in the closet and live my life fiegning heterosexuality :/ I am starting to hate myself and my sexuality and dont know where to turn to for support.
and society in general MORE than "masculine" gay men.
Because I don't have personality characterics, mannerisms and style typlically associated with "effeminate" gay men, I am classified as "butch", i.e. masculine. Now, when it comes to the DL dating/hook-up scene, butch gay men are preferred by far. But, when it comes to interacting with heterosexual men and women, and being publicly open about our sexuality, we get the most heat.
I know this may sound like a generalization, but from my experience, straght men cannot stand being in the presence of an openly gay masculine man, and heterosexual women treat us like we have some kind of ******* disease. When I strike up random conversations with straight men and women in bars or in public places and let my sexuality be known, I immeadiately get a visceral, disgusted and/or shocked reaction like ,"What?...YOU'RE gay...Why? Thats not right". These SAME straight men and women dont respond that way to fem men!!!!! Its almost as if we've gotten to a place where effeminate men are EXPECTED to be gay, so its no longer as unacceptable and suprising as it used to be.
Im 23 and am just starting to come out of the closet, but the way I am treated is making me want to stay in the closet and live my life fiegning heterosexuality :/ I am starting to hate myself and my sexuality and dont know where to turn to for support.
Best AnswerAsker's Choice
Masculine gay men often pass for straight. More people are
familiar with the stereotype, but what it boils down to is that straight men are
nervous about other guys who don't know how to deal with you, and homophobic
women resent you for the same reason straight men don't like lesbians -- there
you are, attractive, and you don't want them.
You can't let how other people see you run or ruin your life. It's pointless to hate yourself. And everything you say...? Only really represents SOME straight guys. You must be hanging out with some very nervous men, and my guess is that some of them are mostly afraid of meeting you on the down low and being outed to their wives...
You can't let how other people see you run or ruin your life. It's pointless to hate yourself. And everything you say...? Only really represents SOME straight guys. You must be hanging out with some very nervous men, and my guess is that some of them are mostly afraid of meeting you on the down low and being outed to their wives...
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Other Answers (14)
Oldest-
I agree that being masculine and gay typically has a harder time connecting with people because they don't usually mix with neither straight men nor gay men. And females usually like the fem type but I also think it's more of your own mentality that makes you feel judged by everyone.
I sometimes feel this way too.Source(s):
me -
*Raises Right Eyebrow* You get the most heat for not being noticed because a lot of people don't even realize 'Masculine' Gay men exist, those people will say they are fine with feminine gay guys; but it's Grade A 100% Newly Out Of The Animal Itself Fresh ******** (Self-Censoring).
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Be proud. Keep your head up.
People make assumptions based on appearances. They see you as masculine and they think, "He's a man - he must be straight." They're shocked that you're not.
Besides, I find that homosexual men are pretty cool - no matter their looks. -
I think maybe people feel more comfortable with the stereotypes - it's more familiar. I get it myself. It's quite easy to tell that I'm gay, I look and act the part (apparently, and not altogether deliberately), people are ok with that because I'm obvious and they 'know where they stand'. If you aren't a stereotype, people seem to think you are trying to conceal your sexuality. I know it's weird, but that's my theory on it. What people don't seem to realise is that 99.9% of gay people are just average, every day people who just happen to be gay.
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Those guys are just ignorant assholes, and you shouldn't care about them. Don't hate yourself because of them.
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I've been there man but I was scared to come out cause of the way people talked about gays and the put downs etc, I finally said f it later in life now people arnt as cruel as I thought wen they found out. I found my first support was a friend (guy) that I became friends with, he knew I was struggling and tense. Then it snowballed where I told everyone I wanted and it went well. I don't have many friends but the ones I have know and like me, so I think it depends on how u go about it. It's ur life not there's , and u choose not them.
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Oh wow. some people can be ignorant.. Just Ignore what they say & do what makes you happy. (:
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Sadly, I share similar experiences.
" *Gasp* You don't LOOK gay!"
" Gross man, I don't swing that way." (shuffles away like he doesn't want to breath the same air)
I'm out of the closet and keep my private life to myself but sometimes I am forced through normal conversation to admit to my homosexuality. I especially hate those reactions from straight men and women because then the conversation becomes more about how I don't "seem" gay (which is beyond aggravating) or the conversation just comes to a full stop right then and there with the whacky comedy of the guy or girl shuffling awkwardly away or sticking their nose up in disgust. I live in a very ignorant area, too, so I probably get that more than I would if I lived in San Francisco or New York.
At the end of the day, though, I don't hate myself. I place the blame on those who deserve it... not me. You shouldn't either. There is nothing wrong with you and yes it can be frustrating to have to deal with the general ignorant population on a daily basis, but being yourself is going to be a hell of a lot more satisfying in the long run. -
I'm an overall masculine gay guy, but I can't say that I've had the same experience as you. My best friends are all straight men and women even.
However, I would assume that it comes from the fact that you don't strike them as someone who comes across gay because you're masculine.
Regardless of the reasons. Be proud of who you are, don't bother yourself with the ignorance of others.
I doubt I can offer much support, but feel free to message me if you so desire. -
You wish, and that's just the medua using stereotypical gay guys to teach acceptance, but the reality is other. Most of those guys are very lonely that's why they always keep a ton of friends and are the centre of attention, not even othet gay guys want to date them.
Edit
I'm beautiful and I don't get treated like you do. Women look like that at only ugly gay guys.Source(s):
Masculine gay guy, and I would no date anyone who is utterly feminine. -
Okay, I'm not a traditional masculine man, I'm quite androgynous really and I have to disagree slightly. I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience with these ignorant people. I feel one of the things why this happens is because ignorant straight men who find out that they have a masculine gay friend is going to try to convert them. You know, like reverse psychology. I'm not saying that's the only reason but I've heard a lot of gay bashing folks use this. The same way like how straight girls won't want to hang around lesbian women. It's fear of being "converted".
But I will say that masculine gay men do have an advantage in the gay world. In fact, a lot of masculine acting gay men hate fem men and feel that they are giving them a bad image because the media often portrays gay men as feminine sissy boys. Like I said, I don't identify as a typical masculine man but I'm not an overly effeminate guy either but I get lots of hate and criticism from masc gay men since I don't fit the description of a man.
So really it's like a 50/50 thing I see. Masculine gay men are looked down upon in the "normal" society while feminine gay men are looked down upon in the gay community. At least that's my experience anyway. -
I like to put this spin on it. Just as we all well know that such macho gay men do exist in the world, let's not forget there also exists men who are the furthest from being macho and happen to be straight. Therefore I don't give credence to the term "straight acting". Masculinity I value greatly and appreciate that it's open for debate as to what that even entails. Hollywood long ago established it's definition of a gay men and this has been adopted by society at large. As with any community, you only have a select few in the limelight. So outside Hollywood, there's the real world where most people live and have little in common with the images projected across the big and small screens. For me, I don't happen to fit the typical stereotypes in the eyes of Hollywood. All gay males at sometime usually during their formative years goes through that discovery/transition period between believing you're straight to discovering you're gay. Let's just say that once I made the transition and had full awareness of my homosexuality, aside from the fact I knew any sex partner would have what I have, I changed absolutely nothing else about me. I didn't suddenly change my voice, become a fashion expert or carry myself any differently than I had before understanding I was gay.
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fem men could be straight or gay. depends in up bringing whom they hang with and such. When gowing up men assume since I guy is fem hes gay.I kid raised in a wealthy family pampered spoiled easily may turn out fem acting but be straight. Many young men today get very little exercise there slim and fem looking
Many are straight. Many masculine gay men like skinny men with boyish looks . Just get out and socialize you will find a man whom likes you.
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